Online Counselling for Relational and Developmental Trauma in British Columbia
When we think of trauma, we often picture a scary event—like a car accident or a violent assault—that triggers a fight, flight, or freeze response. While these experiences can certainly be traumatic, there’s another form of trauma known as relational or developmental trauma. This type of trauma can lead to a fawn response, where individuals adapt to survive in a dynamic where they cannot fight or flee. This is especially common in childhood or in situations involving a power imbalance that compromises safety.
Relational and developmental trauma is complex, particularly when experienced during childhood or developmental years. These early relationships often shape what feels normal to us as adults. Many experiences can contribute to this form of trauma, including but not limited to:
Abuse
Neglect
Significant lack of resources impacting welfare
Loss of a parent
Exposure to alcohol or drug abuse
Witnessing interpartner violence
Abandonment
Feeling unloved or unlovable
What is the ACE Assessment?
A useful tool to assess the potential impact of developmental trauma is the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Score.
If you're curious about your ACE score, you can learn more about the assessment here. However, please be prepared, as reflecting on these experiences may bring up challenging emotions.
Signs of Relational and Developmental Trauma
The signs of relational and developmental trauma can be more subtle than those typically associated with PTSD from singular traumatic events, like a car accident. These signs may include:
Relational anxiety: wanting closeness but feeling scared
Experiencing chaos as normal or familiar
Increased substance use
Lack of physical activity
Higher health risks (e.g., cancer, stroke, autoimmune disorders, heart disease)
Suicidal thoughts or behaviors
Long-Term Impact on Relationships
Unresolved relational and developmental trauma can significantly affect adult relationships, including intimate partnerships, familial connections, friendships, and even workplace dynamics.
Common patterns include:
Fear of abandonment: This can cause intense anxiety and clinginess in relationships.
Fear of vulnerability: Many people avoid being open and authentic, leading to conflicting and confusing behavior.
Need for external validation: This often stems from a lack of affirmation during childhood and can result in persistent self-doubt and self-criticism.
Boundary issues: Difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries, both personal and relational, is common.
Repressed memories: These can resurface during therapy, providing clarity about previously chaotic or unstable behaviours.
Schedule a Consultation with Our Counsellors in BC Today
Therapeutic Approaches
In order to heal wounds that result from not having the secure attachment needed in childhood, we need a chance to experience something corrective. This can occur through relationships we have as adults, including those with our therapists. AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) therapists emphasize the importance of showing up as authentic human beings. In this safe environment, clients can practice secure attachment, experiment with new behaviours, and envision healthier dynamics for other areas of their lives.
How We Can Help
We’d love to hear your story and explore how we can support your healing journey. It’s important to remember that some behaviors you find frustrating today may have developed as protective mechanisms. These parts of you need patience and care to understand that safety can look different from what you experienced in the past.
At the Commons Wellness Collective, we’re here to walk with you as you cultivate self-compassion and move towards a future where you feel more whole.
